As a child growing up in the Bronx, I was sensitive. Instead of embracing it, I saw it as a liability.
At age 8, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. As a result, I was medicated until I was 14.
I had fallen out of bed, and upon hitting the floor, my body went numb. I couldn’t move half my body.
I was rushed to the doctors and that’s when it all started. Both my parents and the doctors were afraid…
It had to be a seizure. It had to be epilepsy. I needed medication.
The medication they put me on slowed me down academically and athletically. Because of that, I developed a “something’s wrong with me” internal dialogue.
I saw myself as an easy target for bigger, tougher kids. I thought I was weak. I had become my diagnosis.
I lived life in a scarcity mentality. I was stuck in a constant cycle of anxiety and angst of “not enough”…not enough money, not enough energy, not enough time, not tough enough.
My inner voice was like an inner bully. I was scared of that part of myself, and believed it was just who I was. It was as if there was a war going on within me, and I felt stuck fighting this war throughout my childhood. This war—or “quiet crisis”—continued until I was 31.
In 2007, I decided to work with a Health Coach. At this point in my career, I was very successful, but I was neglecting what really mattered to my heart. I had become an entrepreneur to have freedom, but I felt far from free.
I had given up many of my passions, like playing the piano, singing, and DJ’ing. I was seriously neglecting my inner self and it showed. Sadly, that 8-year-old boy had turned into a 31-year-old man who believed his sensitivity was his greatest liability.
So I took anti-anxiety medication to numb the war within. But that only numbed my inner self. I was still afraid.
It wasn’t until I had the help of a Health Coach and someone supporting me in changing my beliefs and attitudes, that an abundance of opportunity opened up. The numbness started to ebb and, layer by layer, I learned to express a part of myself that had been shut down.
I learned how to have compassion for all parts of myself, including my inner bully. I forgave my inner bully.
My coach helped me identify where I held shame and worked with me to anchor in the new intentions. I learned the power of forgiveness and personal acceptance.
I now say to myself, “More and more, I am becoming, who I always wanted to be,” and “Yes, love….whatever you need love….I’m here love…first for you and then for others.”
I’ve replaced the limiting belief that I was weak with the belief that I am a Heart Warrior. I choose to be a Heart Warrior and pursue what feels aligned with my open heart.
So, I encourage you to let your Inner Heart Warrior speak to you. It’s the part of you who knows you have something unique to offer the world. The part of you who sees and holds the highest vision for you. To learn, grow, and empower yourself and others and heal yourself and others.
This part of you is courageous, wise, and strong. It’s the part of you who knows when to say “Yes” and when to say “No”. Your inner Heart Warrior is there to hold all the challenges, has your back through any obstacles, and reminds you that you can do anything you’re passionate about with love. By prioritizing my well-being and committing to ongoing coaching, I am able to operate from a state of abundance and the mentality that anything is possible. There’s no limit to what I can do or be. And I believe that’s true for everyone.
Today, I am no longer that boy whose body went numb when he fell out of bed. And despite the epilepsy diagnosis at age 8, I’ve never had another seizure.